It's Probably A Good Idea: ....to cook a little extra next time. (but always pass on church pizza)

Good morning everyone! This morning I decided that as the good southern boy I am, I would make some homemade donuts. I remember Saturday mornings at home Mom would make some homemade donuts, and my brothers and I would each have almost a dozen (screw you for judging me. They're small!) Nothing is more disappointing than returning to the platter for a second or third helping and seeing that someone has eaten the last bit. Fortunately Miss Cupcake and Miss Moody are no match for my "southern family sized" portions, so I never have this problem.

* WARNING! WARNING! This next section veers completely off topic, and has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the post, but after reading it I couldn't commit to erasing it. So consider yourself warned. If you can't handle a good poop story this post may not be for you.

I remember in my days as an international superstar fronting the wildly popular band Inner Core, getting a second helping was always a challenge. We would play for youth groups all over the midwest. It seemed like every youth pastor always had an expense account with a local pizza chain (let me make this really clear church pizza is the WORST pizza!)

I am almost certain that praying before you eat to bless the food started in some midwest youth group where the youth were afraid of chipping teeth, indigestible ingredients, and even death by regurgitation. In fact the very common "pizza shits" that always follow the good fortune you had to just get a piece of this "holy pie" down, I'm pretty sure are considered a form of modern day exorcism. Don't believe me? When you've been to as many youth rallys as I have then you've definitely had this experience. Allow me to paint you a picture

Before the rally there is a pizza party. Everyone is socializing with the band, the pastor, the volunteers, etc. Suddenly time has gotten away from us, and the rally is ready to begin. By not keeping an eye on the time you have to jump on stage and get started without the necessary preshow bathroom explosion. The Pastor, feeling the same since of "urgency," makes a quick introduction and kicks it off to the band. On his way to the restroom to release the "relentless demon inside him that is fighting to get out" he's stopped by parents, kids, other youth pastors that have traveled from their church to get to the event. Then he's pulled aside by the head pastor for an update on how it's going, and some suggestions to help things go better. Before you know it Praise and Worship is coming to an end and he still hasn't made it to his "prayer time." He jumps back on stage and turns on his cool clip on tie microphone to say "Wow! The spirit is really strong in this place. Let's take some time and really worship." The band plays a slow and soft worship song to help set the mood for the spirit as the Pastor now sprints to "take care of the problem." As the mood is set, and people are really connecting to what is going on in the service, over the loud speakers you hear "BLLRRRPPPGGHH!! DEAR LORD! PLOP PLOP SQUISH! AGHHHHH!" The poor pastor has forgotten to turn off his clip on mic. Suddenly the place errupts in laughter, and the band spends the rest of the night trying not to reference the Pastor's understandable mistake.

OK so that was quite a large side step from what I was originally planning on writing about, but I thought it needed to be said. So next time you are at a church and they offer pizza, just say "No Thank You" (and keep an eye on the pastor.) If you're a youth pastor out there and reading this please heed this warning. Don't order pizza! I know the little place down the street gives them to you for $1 a pie, but it's not worth the risk of being known forever as "Pastor Gasser master of Hell, Fire, and Porcelain.

So now that everyone is hungry, I'm attaching a recipe for homemade donuts. They are delicious and guaranteed NOT to send you running anywhere (except maybe back to the plate for seconds.)

For great homemade donuts you need:

A couple cans of cheap biscuits (the kind that come in a can of 10 and are generally packaged as 4 or 5 cans together for $1

Some vegetable oil

Powdered sugar and water for glazed

or Cinnamon and Sugar

First put the oil in a pot and set heat to medium (oil only has to be about an inch deep)

While the oil is heating poke a hole through the center of the biscuits and make them into donut shapes.

Mix lots of powdered sugar with a little water. The consistency should be like a syrup. Only add a little water at a time, because if it becomes sugar water you have to start all over.

Once oil is heated, drop a test donut in. If the oil is at the proper temp it should take about 30 seconds to get a good golden brown. If it gets really dark really quick turn the temp down and let it cool for 10 minutes. Flip the donut and brown other side.

Pull hot donut out of oil and place immediately in glaze. Flip over a few times for a good coating. Then place on plate. If you are the cook it's a good idea to eat every fourth donut yourself, otherwise you won't get a chance to eat. Believe me when they hit the plate they will be gone.

Here are some pics of this morning's batch. Enjoy.